Marriage – Intimate Match Making

HOW I STARTED INTIMATE MATCH

6 Comments / Articles / By intimatesolution

Uncle Raymond(not real name)!, that was Rose’s (not real name) brother, calling Raymond as if they have known for years, it was Rose’s and Raymond’s wedding. When i saw the bond between the two families, my mind flashed back to how they met.

I have been practicing as a relationship and marriage counselor for three years before i met Rose, the thought of being a matchmaker never crossed my mind. One Tuesday afternoon, She walked into my office with her mouth, being the usual sanguine she is, Aunty Tolu, your office is chilling o, what do you have for your girl today, she said in her usual bubbling way. There’s never a dull moment with Rose.

Rose came to my office three months earlier for relationship counseling, she’s beautiful, Godly, brilliant, intelligent, hardworking and friendly. She came to find out why she was single against her wish at 31, considering all the beautiful attributes she has (if you are in Rose’s shoe currently, seeking counseling won’t be a bad idea.). After psychoanalysis, it wasn’t long for me to find out why Rose was single against her wish, she broke down into tears and said, ‘i wish i have met you like seven years ago’.

We were able to work on some issues she has and Rose became a regular caller in my office, sometimes she will pay for a session just to pour her heart, and at other times, she will stop by as a sister, Rose put me in a tight corner of ‘boundary crossing’ in counseling practice, because i have to perform a ‘dual role’ of a counselor and a sister to her, but, sincerely i love having her around. One fateful afternoon, she stopped by a usual……..

Rose: ehn ehn, aunty Tolu, who was that fine guy i saw working out of your office just now, that guy looks cool and smells so nice as well.
Me: Oh, you saw him, he’s a client
Rose: A client, what could be bothering such a cool guy
Me: People don’t see counselors only when they are bothered, sometimes they just want to talk
Rose: So what does he came to talk about
Me: did you just asked me that Rose? (looking at her with the corner of my eyes)
Rose: Okay, okay, confidentiality……. I know you will never say a word….. (she sighed)
Rose: Aunty Tolu, but i think i like that guy o, is she married? (a long silence)
(I then considered why the guy in question came for counseling…)
Me: Come to think of it, i think you guys will be good together o.

The rest is history…… Its 6 years now and we have been having weddings non stop. The desire to see people happy, passion for what i do and Roses’s and Raymond’s union made me to start matchmaking services. The feelings that i get when i see couples i matched getting married cannot be explained, the overwhelming emotions, tears of joy and beautiful adrenalin are always part of me whenever i go for such occasions. Its a pity our society hasn’t developed to a level where i can be posting pictures of couples i matched, as people still have certain ignorant reservations about matchmaking, but the fact remains that bridging gaps for people who want to settle down, for me, its a calling.

Are you still in the school of thought that says matchmaking means you’re helping God? As a matter of fact, matchmaking started in the bible. Genesis chapter 24 describes the first matchmaking mentioned in the Bible. Abraham chose his loyal and trustworthy servant Eliezer for the task of choosing a wife for his beloved son, Isaac. There are so many reasons why people talk to matchmakers, busy schedule, male/female dominated work environment, strict upbringing, better choice, etc. Talking to a matchmaker doesn’t mean you are cheap or timid, its just another avenue to meet someone, just as you do in your place of worship, supermarkets, offices, buses etc.

As a matter of fact, in African culture, no one get married without being introduced by family members or the parents. Matchmaking is Biblical, Cultural and helpful, in fact people are currently meeting online than in real life now.

Intimate Match started out of passion to help those who are single against their wish, we just want to bridge the gap and offer result oriented professional services that people will be willing to trust.

So, are you single and searching? motivated by Rose’s and Raymond’s story, single against your wish and want to settle down on time? Join the moving train, register with the most reliable, genuine and dependable matchmaker in Nigeria. Intimate Match is the only Matchmaking company in Nigeria with a face behind the scene, We don’t give false hope, but walk with you till the wedding bell rings!

Register at: www.intimatematchmaking.com, call our Hotline: +2348184575377 or Visit our office: Intimacy Center 135, Ogunlana Drive, Surulere Lagos (By Masha bus stop).

MERCY JOHNSON PRAYS FOR HAPPILY EVER AFTER

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The beautiful and curvy Mercy Jhonson Okojie took to her Instagram page to send an adorable birthday message to her husband.

Intimate Solution wish you a beautiful marriage full of love and happiness just as you desired. Read her heart touching and loving message….

mercy johnson husband matching outfit

“Odi ur so oooo shy but: I Love d way u pick Angel at night and drop her in her crib each time I put her in the middle of the bed as an obstacle cus am upset.I love the way u whisper in her ears,saying”Angel go to ur crib and don’t put Asunder I love d way u increase the AC ,Snatch the blanket and 30mins later you grab me and say”u too vex,aren’t you Cold? I love the way you say,I play too much. I love d way you chastise me after cooking by saying”my love salt pass this food but e sweet” I can go on and on Thank you baby,the kids go to bed Happy and wake up smiling.even they know, that Daddy loves Mummy. Ur birthday is close and I don’t know what to say or how to show that you are the Very Air I breath. No one has an assurance of Happily ever after but I beg God to please Help me and lets stay this way forever. Pray for me Friends cus with Him is where I would rather be. #hubbysbirthdayloading #thankyoulord #papapurity#

ACTRESS MERCY AIGBE COUGHED BLOOD DUE TO ABUSE

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Marriage is meant to be beautiful and two better than one, but one beging to wonder how something so beautiful could suddenly turn sour.

The Lagos State Commissioner for Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation, Lola Akande, has revealed how sad she was when she saw actress Mercy Aigbe’s condition when she came to her office to report what she went through in the hands of her estrange husband, Lanre Gentry.

According to Daily Times Newspaper, The Commissioner told newsmen in Lagos that the actress was coughing blood with bruises on her face and other parts of her body when she came crying for help. According to Akande, “She was coughing blood from her nose and mouth and she had injury on her face which the doctor said she must have an operation. “I was so angry that I need to see the face of the man that did this to her, and so we invited him and he came yesterday (Tuesday) to say his own side of the story to the official in charge of domestic violence. “But any man that can beat a woman to a pulp like that to the extent that she is still coughing blood one week after the incident need to have his head examined.”

She said the Lagos State Government had secured a restraining order for Aigbe from any further abuse by her husband. The commissioner further commended the courage of Aigbe for voicing out her ordeal, and urged other women going through similar situation not to keep quiet about their ordeal. “I must commend the courage of mercy, because what she did is what other women who are victims of domestic violence out there need to do, they don’t need to hide it except they want to die there.” Lanre was on Tuesday quizzed by the Lagos State department of Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT).

THE URGENT NEED FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING/THERAPY IN NIGERIA

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THE URGENT NEED FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING/THERAPY IN NIGERIA

I recently counseled a young couple, they were separated and decided to come for counseling after the guy attempted suicide. The wife left with their two kids and the man became lonely and miserable. It took the intervention of neighbors and friends to rescue him, this is not moonlight story but reality. I’m sure the typical African man reading this will say, “ Is he alright ‘women don finish for town’…”

We live in a society where we have left the cultures and traditions that shaped us in the quest of trying to be western. I personally don’t think its a bad idea to move along with the current pace at which the rest of the world is moving, because we could be left behind if we don’t brace up ourselves. My issue is the fact that, we seem to be in a trance, we are neither here nor there, we seem to have outgrown African cultures but underdeveloped for the western ways, we want to behave like the West but put no measure in place for checks and balances.

The men want to be the usual African husband that must be cooked and catered for and wants the wife to, at the same time, contribute to the upkeep of the house. He wants the wife to be a freak in the bedroom only to satisfy his needs, she doesn’t deserve to enjoy sex because sex is for making babies, he wants blow job, but said its un-African to get down on his woman. He wants to go clubbing and hang out with the boys hoping to meet a faithful and submissive wife at home, who is always at his beck and calls, how do you match all these together in a world that is already a global village, a world where every woman is more conscious of her needs and how to satisfy them.

Our level of pretense and hypocrisy is appalling, everyone come to social media trying to put up the best appearances while living in bondage. We go to church and raise holy hands, and we are very quick at judging and condemning others, while committing worst atrocities in the closest. People will rather pretend to please spiritual leaders and die in silence, instead of coming out to be helped, of course, coming out could mean being termed a demon or could earn the sinner a suspension. We want things to be done the old school way, just like our great grand parents, but want to align with the internet age as well, who does that for crying out loud.

Most of the problems weighing people down are relationship related, and whether you agree with me or not, things have changed from the way it used to be. It is high time we use the right approach, the time to cultivate the habit of talking to professional counselors is now! Can you imagine the state of mind of a society where children grow up without child counselors? In the olden days, the whole village usually teemed up to train a child, but the situation is different now, we lock up our kids in our apartment without making alternative provision for professional child counselors.

The same scenario is playing out with the teenagers, how many teen counselors do you know in Nigeria? What about relationship matters? I run a pre-marriage counseling service in my company, Intimate Solution network, in that department, we hardly have up to 3 clients in 6 months, meanwhile people get married on a weekly basis spending millions of naira on paparazzi and show off, they will rather have ‘a talk of the town’ wedding than prepare for the marriage itself. ‘Maybe they don’t know about us’ you said….. Don’t forget Singles will google the latest Asoebi, hairstyles, shoes and all for a society wedding, but will never take a moment to google professional pre-marriage counseling in Nigeria.

What about marriage? The worst hit institution. I was discussing with a medical doctor friend recently and he said something that i can’t help but agree with, he said about 75% of Nigerian men doesn’t know how to sexually satisfy their wives, but they thought they knew. A lot of house wives are becoming lesbians and sex toys are becoming more popular in Nigeria than some western countries, are you still saying we are very African? Your highly spiritual wife usually takes good care of herself with her dildo whenever you are not at home sir. Do you know cheating used to be a man thing, but the women are gradually catching up with men now.

Is there any measure in place for a sexually frustrated man or woman? how many sex therapist do you know in Nigeria, the few of us that came out to professionally talk about these things are being termed sinners. What about grief and bereavement counselors, do you know any around you, who counseled the bereaved in our society? Is professional counsel readily available for those that are waiting for death? What of the elderly, we think they don’t have needs and don’t feel like sharing their thoughts? What about those that lost their loved ones, mothers that just put to bed nko? The list is endless….

That brings me to the aim of this article, depression. I read about the young medical doctor that committed suicide yesterday and was troubled in my mind. We can’t just go on like this, it is high time we cultivate the habit of talking to professional counselors and therapist around us. Like i said earlier, most of the issues people are battling with are relationship related, wicked bosses, unfriendly financial institutions, bad relationships, frustrating sex life, marriages from hell etc. Parental advice could be helpful but you will need more than that to achieve a peaceful closure in this present age.

In fact, your pastor is not a financial consultant, he’s not a clinical marriage counselor neither is he a sex therapist, stop expecting too much from him and allow him to concentrate on taking care of your spiritual needs. Even, the pastor needs help, but most are afraid to come out to seek for help because the society has tagged them infallible.

You go to the hospital when your body is sick, you run to the church when your soul is weak, where do you run to when your mind is troubled?

Dr. Tolulope Oko-Igaire (Hons.) is a Clinical Relationship & Marriage Counselor, Sex Therapist and Professional Matchmaker. She’s the Provost of The Institute of Counseling in Nigeria (www.instituteofcounselingng.org) and the host of the popular TV, Radio and online Talk Show; Intimate Talk With Tolu.
www.intimatesolutionnetwork.com

WORK ON YOU!

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Roland and Esther met each other through a friend, courted for a couple of years and later got married. Roland has tried his best to make Esther happy but she was always lamenting that nobody including her husband loves her. At a counseling session after several years of Roland coping with the situation, the counselor discovered that Esther has been struggling with self rejection because of her terrible childhood experiences. This past experience had affected Esther so much that no one was willing to be her friend except her husband. She was always complaining and nagging and now Roland is almost giving up. Then the counselor began to educate both of them……

Relationships are not meant to be ENDURED but to be ENJOYED. Contrary to this many have developed coping skills in their relationships so they find themselves enduring everyday relationship such as marital, relationship with colleagues, family and friends. There are relationships we can easily get rid of as soon as they turn sour while there are some that will definitely leave a scar if we try separating from such.

Lack of fulfillment in relationships could be due to absence of a healthy relationship with yourself. In order words if I fail in my relationship with myself, I cannot relate well with anyone else. How we treat others is an extension of how we treat ourselves. The level of value you place on yourself determines how well you value another.

Moreover, the bible says the 2nd greatest commandment is ‘Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF’. So much emphasis has been placed on the first part of this statement while the other part is not so talked about. For instance if I inform you that you use a gadget the way you use another. In order words, I am saying that once you know how to use gadget B,it is a pointer to how you use the gadget A. Therefore the journey of a great relationship starts with YOU! It begins with having a healthy relationship with yourself. If you don’t love YOU, you can’t LOVE me or anyone else. In order to know if you love YOU, kindly answer this question

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WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOU?

Love is a product of our thoughts. More often than not, we love people because of what we THINK of them. Hence, the question. What do you think of yourself? This goes beyond what your spouse, friend, pastor or family member think of you. As a matter of fact, it is easier to describe your partner than trying to express what you think of yourself. In order to prove this, I have asked few people to tell me what they think of themselves. Some came up with what people thought of them. They go like “my husband says; I am….. Or my mum feels like; I am sluggish. As much as it is good to know what people’s views are about you because of what we call blind spot, It is dangerous to base how you feel about yourself on people’s thought of you. First, no one can know YOU like you know yourself. Secondly people judge us based on who they are. Someone said “what we judge in others is a disowned part of us.

Jesus asked his disciples while he was on earth with them “who do people say I am”. Among the 12 disciples, only one (Peter) person’s response resonated with what Jesus had in mind. This is why you must know who you are: weaknesses and strength, not denying any. If you deny your weakness, you remain an old model of yourself because you can only improve on a product you know and understand.

The predominant thoughts of yourself can be an indicator of how much you love YOU. Many people reject genuine love because of self-rejection. They cannot just see what others see in them and don’t believe they are to be treated specially. This makes relationship very difficult. It is imperative that you know, accept, value and love yourself because how you treat yourself is how you will treat others. This is different from self-centeredness. Finally, lack of a healthy relationship with yourself could make you to put unnecessary pressure on your relationships like Esther did by demanding for what no other person is capable of giving you.

All of a sudden Esther started sobbing. She started realizing how terrible she felt about herself and her past mistakes. She always wished she was someone else: starting from her younger sister, to her friend in primary school, her class prefect in secondary school, her mate in the university and her colleague at work. She felt everyone was better and she had nothing to offer. She didn’t appreciate anything about herself and she feels Roland has been deceiving her. She believes she is empty and no one can genuinely love an empty barrel. All these, she said was because of several steps she took in the past that made her feel like a failure and good for nothing.

Wow……no wonder she has had it tough relating with people. She reads meaning to every statement made by her spouse and she misunderstands what people do to her even when they have good intentions. The question is: how can Esther and every one of us in Esther’s shoes deal with this? Thanks to the first part of this article, Esther has learnt to change her thoughts about herself.

In order to take it further, the counselor tells her: FORGIVE YOURSELF. This is important because we have all done certain things in the past that we are not proud of. Like Esther, whenever we remember certain things, we blame ourselves. In contrary, start to take responsibility for what has happened and focus on a better future rather than blame yourself. Forgiveness is not from the head (not based on knowledge) but from the heart. You will need to convince yourself that if you knew better, you would have done better. Mind you, none of us is a saint. Let go and make room for love.

Secondly, change what you say about yourself. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What you say of yourself is a product of your thoughts, and your description of yourself determines your outcome in life. When we have healthy thoughts about ourselves, our words will become healthy words and we will love ourselves in healthy ways. My question is: do you talk down on yourself or do you boast of who you are not in a bit to impress someone?

Telling people who you are not is a sign that you don’t love yourself and it becomes difficult to enjoy any relationship if you don’t love yourself. This happens mostly when you prefer other people’s views of who you are to what you know about YOU. Desiring human approval is not totally wrong but we must not be addicted to approvals.

Dear friend, learn to celebrate yourself and you will be happy without feeling anyone must do it for you. Whatever will make you happy, don’t wait for anyone to do it or say it to you. Say it to yourself.
CHEERS! – Motolani.