Relationship

LOVE STARTS WITH ME

I used to believe that the 20s was the best time in life to snag a mate.
From my perspective as a 13-year-old girl, the 20s seemed like the prime years of life, a time for independence, freedom, and for falling in love. I’m imagined I’d be young and fresh, exciting and energetic, inspired and in love…what a perfect time for a romance. Finding love would be easy, in your 20s.

I don’t know that I believe that, anymore. Now that I’m married and also passed my 20’s- I look back at some of those earlier years and realize how little I actually knew. There was a world of experiences and lessons yet to be had in the decade that followed. There’s so much that I know now, that I didn’t know back then, that I had to learn along the way.
If my teen years taught me how to be “self-centered”, my 20s taught me that I really had very little grasp of my “true self”. I had no idea who I was or where I was going- even when I thought I had a clue. If I could write a relationship manual to my 20-year old self, here’s what it would say:

1. Date…Yourself: The 20s really are an incredible time in life. As your independence develops, the world opens up in ways it never could have before. But more than anything, your 20s is actually a time of transformation. You are changing, growing, maturing, and evolving more rapidly than you could even imagine. Your personality is just starting to take shape, and the seeds of interests, passions, talents that were planted in your teen years are only now starting to grow.
While it may be so tempting to search for love, don’t do it without first taking the time to date yourself. Before I get into relationship advice, let me start by introducing the concept of Dating Inward. In other words, get to know yourself. Know who you are, what you need, and where you’re going. Get a good grasp of the story you’re creating for yourself, because only then will you be able to recognize the kind of person who fits into your story.

2. Don’t Fixate on Being Single: I’m sad I wasted so many years focused on “being single” because looking back, my 20s was a time filled with relationships and life. I was surrounded by amazing friends in college, mentors and professors who invested in me, an incredible community, and relatives who supported me. God had surrounded me with a community of rich and life-giving people that I often-times missed out on because I was so caught up with the fact that Bose on the next street just got engaged, and chinenye was planning her wedding, and Jane  just got flowers from her boyfriend. I wasted too many opportunities to connect with significant people in my life, because I was focused on finding a “significant other”…..

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3. Don’t Act Desperate, Because You’re Not: If age was actually an indicator of being “desperate”…your 20’s definitely doesn’t make the cut. Why is it then, that there are so many 20-year-olds feeling like they need to catch the marriage boat before the clock strikes midnight and they turn the dreaded 3-0? So much compromise, settling, and life-altering mistakes happen in a person’s 20s because they would rather be with someone than deal with the fear of being alone. So many people are left with the biggest regrets of their life, things they wish they would have resisted in their 20s.

Sadly, we’re all part of the problem. We’ve created a culture that puts pressure on men and women to get married at a certain time, a certain age, in a certain way. But at the end of the day, finding the right marriage has little to do with our timing- or anyone else’s for that matter- and everything to do with God’s timing. Remember the only way to avoid looking desperate is to stop believing that you are, because a person will appear as desperate as they feel. Block out all the voices, the expectations, and the fears- and keep your eyes fixed on what is in front and within you. Look at all that the many blessings that surrounds you and then relax, let go, and trust God for the rest. Greater things are yet to come.

4. Don’t Wait to Live Your Life: Stop waiting, and start living. That should be the motto every 20-year-old hangs on their wall. The 20’s are filled with so much “waiting”: waiting for the right school, the right job, the right opportunity, the right spouse, the right income….waiting for that house, that car, that insurance plan. Waiting for love, for marriage, for family etc. Whatever it is you are waiting for, stop waiting and start living.
So much of our life is wasted in waiting, when God is calling us to enjoy the life He’s given us right here and right now. We don’t need another thing to happen in order for us to live our lives, we just need more of what we have already that brings us Joy. We were made to rejoice in life, Right here, and right now. -DEBRA FILETA

CHASE A REAL WOMAN INSTEAD OF CHASING MONEY

“There are more women than men” a very common statement among young men these days, some will even go as far as quoting Isaiah 4:1, but i can categorically tell you that, the number of men of marriageable age are currently more than those of women, even here in Nigeria. The reason why men seems to be more than men is because of the economic situation, the men who are due for marriage are not able to take the steps because of their financial situation.

My point here is not about the economy, but about the fact that a lot of young men are getting it all wrong. If these young men can divert half of the energy they are using, trying to make money, get a 3 bedroom apartment, buy a car… bla bla… to making sure they get the right woman, getting to the desired destination will be shorter and less rigorous.

Good women dont marry just for money, money is just an icing on the cake for real women, and when you find one, she will join you to work on a better future and your speed will increase. The right two will always be better than one. “Make money and get any woman you want” is the beginning of a lifetime mistake and marital failure. you dont believe my first statement? Google is your friend. Wont you rather get a good woman who will build with you? Register now at: www.intimatematchmaking.com

WHY MOST MARRIAGES DON’T LAST – PART 1

Why Most Marriages Don’t Last? Part 1
It is sometime confusing or should I say amazing when one considers the high number of marriages recorded all over the world every week. Yet, every week in different parts of the world and different jurisdictions, we have as much numbers of divorce suits filed in different cadres of courts.
Marriage has been defined as a relationship between Husband and Wife. It has also been defined as a union of a Man and Woman who have agreed to be bound together as husband and wife. Being curious, the second definition in particular referred to man and woman. This definition simply prompted my thought in the direction of whether gay marriage same sex marriage is permissible or should exist at all. However, that is a topic for another day.
I researched carefully and ‘unfortunately’ I could not see my desired definition of Marriage which would have been simply put thus: ‘A marriage is a union of a couple who were inspired by deep love and affection and chose to be united as husband and wife’. If my expectation of what marriage should mean or how it should be defined is too ambitious, then, I therefore have no option than to restrict myself to the definition as prescribed by the undisputed wise men of history. The issue therefore is: Why are most marriages short-lived? The answer is multi-dimensional and shall be x-rayed under the two headings of Primary and Secondary Causes: I shall deal 1st with primary causes:

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The 1st primary cause of a short-lived marriage could be attributed to the missing phrase in the definition of Marriage – True Love. Research has shown that many marriages failed because of the sudden disappearance of love between the couples. A true love does not fade, therefore cannot disappear. Many people go into relationship claiming to be in love mainly because of an attraction; it could be combination of some or any of the following: good looks, riches, fame, brilliance, or position. It is only commonsensical that none of the foregoing could be said to breed true love, rather it can only encourage likeness. There was a genuine feeling, but there was no genuine love. Most of the attributes enumerated above can only encourage serious likeness but definitely not love. It takes more than physical attraction or endowment or position in life for true love to develop. Love is more spiritual, it does not develop overnight, it grows gradually and it is more empirical than assumption. Likeness is often mistaken for Love and the couples with erroneous proclamation of love for each other hastily get married. The consequence of such anomaly is regular misunderstandings and inability to tolerate each other and ultimately, the couple after a couple of months or years of managing the union will get frustrated and follow different paths.
Another reason for a short-lived marriage could be total lack of feelings. This kind of situation arises where the marriage is a Marriage of Convenience. Marriage of convenience is aimed at satisfying a certain need of either or both couple. In this situation, it is not just that there is no love, but there is also absence of emotional feelings. It could be an imposition by parents or guardian or by voluntary contraction. It is a marriage that survives only on toleration. Sometimes it lasts forever, where it lasts long, and the couple lives a miserable life of trying to manage and make the marriage work; but most times the marriage collapse midway.
To be continued: In the next edition, I’ll delve further on other causes of short-lived marriage.
Ade Adegbite.

THE WACKIEST OR THE PRETTIEST – PRE-WEDDING PHOTOSHOOT

Every lady dreams of a beautiful fairy tale like wedding ceremony. Some spends hours on daily basis planning themes and colors of their dream weddings. The interest in beautiful weddings for the female folks is not a sign of desperation as some men misinterpreted, its just a confirmation of the soft, flowery and beautiful nature of women.

Pre-wedding photo-shoot, though has been for ages, is becoming more popular now with couples being more creative and expressive. Whether you have been planning it for years or you just stumbled upon a breathtaking pre -wedding photos you like on the internet, keeping it simple and real is the rule of the game. You should be able to see your photos in the nearest future and feel satisfied.

Your pre-wedding photos could Depicts:

  1. the journey of your relationship
  2. the expected beautiful ending of your love story
  3. The expression of how you feel about each other
  4. your thought about life
  5. the title of your relationship/marriage, like giving it a movie tittle
  6. your personality and thought about life

The list can go on and on, but the conclusion is , you should have something in mind before your pre-wedding shoot. Something that look abstract to others but have deep meaning to the two of you.

From the wackiest, to the funniest, the beautiful, the traditional, the simple, the good and the ugly……. check out these samples of pre-wedding photo-shoot across the world, maybe, just maybe you might be inspired.

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PRE-WEDDING PHOTO-SHOOT

As we look forward to weddings on this page, Intimate Matchmaking will be posting pictures from pre-wedding photo shoot all around the world. This is to encourage member of this site to look forward to such a time and to also remind everyone the essence of creating this page in the first place.

We also believe couples who hook up here can get ideas of how their pre-wedding photo shoot could be. Here is the picture of Fashion designer Olakunbi Oyelese and her man, Lanre Tomori.

Intimate Matchmaking is a “strictly for marriage” site. No flings, no unserious dates!

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