unnecessarily single – Intimate Match Making

HOW I STARTED INTIMATE MATCH

6 Comments / Articles / By intimatesolution

Uncle Raymond(not real name)!, that was Rose’s (not real name) brother, calling Raymond as if they have known for years, it was Rose’s and Raymond’s wedding. When i saw the bond between the two families, my mind flashed back to how they met.

I have been practicing as a relationship and marriage counselor for three years before i met Rose, the thought of being a matchmaker never crossed my mind. One Tuesday afternoon, She walked into my office with her mouth, being the usual sanguine she is, Aunty Tolu, your office is chilling o, what do you have for your girl today, she said in her usual bubbling way. There’s never a dull moment with Rose.

Rose came to my office three months earlier for relationship counseling, she’s beautiful, Godly, brilliant, intelligent, hardworking and friendly. She came to find out why she was single against her wish at 31, considering all the beautiful attributes she has (if you are in Rose’s shoe currently, seeking counseling won’t be a bad idea.). After psychoanalysis, it wasn’t long for me to find out why Rose was single against her wish, she broke down into tears and said, ‘i wish i have met you like seven years ago’.

We were able to work on some issues she has and Rose became a regular caller in my office, sometimes she will pay for a session just to pour her heart, and at other times, she will stop by as a sister, Rose put me in a tight corner of ‘boundary crossing’ in counseling practice, because i have to perform a ‘dual role’ of a counselor and a sister to her, but, sincerely i love having her around. One fateful afternoon, she stopped by a usual……..

Rose: ehn ehn, aunty Tolu, who was that fine guy i saw working out of your office just now, that guy looks cool and smells so nice as well.
Me: Oh, you saw him, he’s a client
Rose: A client, what could be bothering such a cool guy
Me: People don’t see counselors only when they are bothered, sometimes they just want to talk
Rose: So what does he came to talk about
Me: did you just asked me that Rose? (looking at her with the corner of my eyes)
Rose: Okay, okay, confidentiality……. I know you will never say a word….. (she sighed)
Rose: Aunty Tolu, but i think i like that guy o, is she married? (a long silence)
(I then considered why the guy in question came for counseling…)
Me: Come to think of it, i think you guys will be good together o.

The rest is history…… Its 6 years now and we have been having weddings non stop. The desire to see people happy, passion for what i do and Roses’s and Raymond’s union made me to start matchmaking services. The feelings that i get when i see couples i matched getting married cannot be explained, the overwhelming emotions, tears of joy and beautiful adrenalin are always part of me whenever i go for such occasions. Its a pity our society hasn’t developed to a level where i can be posting pictures of couples i matched, as people still have certain ignorant reservations about matchmaking, but the fact remains that bridging gaps for people who want to settle down, for me, its a calling.

Are you still in the school of thought that says matchmaking means you’re helping God? As a matter of fact, matchmaking started in the bible. Genesis chapter 24 describes the first matchmaking mentioned in the Bible. Abraham chose his loyal and trustworthy servant Eliezer for the task of choosing a wife for his beloved son, Isaac. There are so many reasons why people talk to matchmakers, busy schedule, male/female dominated work environment, strict upbringing, better choice, etc. Talking to a matchmaker doesn’t mean you are cheap or timid, its just another avenue to meet someone, just as you do in your place of worship, supermarkets, offices, buses etc.

As a matter of fact, in African culture, no one get married without being introduced by family members or the parents. Matchmaking is Biblical, Cultural and helpful, in fact people are currently meeting online than in real life now.

Intimate Match started out of passion to help those who are single against their wish, we just want to bridge the gap and offer result oriented professional services that people will be willing to trust.

So, are you single and searching? motivated by Rose’s and Raymond’s story, single against your wish and want to settle down on time? Join the moving train, register with the most reliable, genuine and dependable matchmaker in Nigeria. Intimate Match is the only Matchmaking company in Nigeria with a face behind the scene, We don’t give false hope, but walk with you till the wedding bell rings!

Register at: www.intimatematchmaking.com, call our Hotline: +2348184575377 or Visit our office: Intimacy Center 135, Ogunlana Drive, Surulere Lagos (By Masha bus stop).

REJECTION COULD MEANS GOD’S PROTECTION

Leave a Comment / Articles / By intimatesolution

Feeling rejected? We’ve all been there. Some of us more than others but the great thing about rejection is that there are endless possibilities that you can venture to.

Don’t allow rejection to take over your life without a fight.

The reality of life is that rejection will form a part of it. There will be occasions when your job application, your relationship, or your ideas will be rejected by someone, somewhere.

When you’re hurting, it can can be difficult to see rejection as a part of life and to acknowledge that what really matters is finding a way to bounce back and try again.

Here are five comebacks for rejection that you can use in just about any situation:

“Life Goes On.”

Whether it’s a bad break-up or a job you didn’t land, always remember that life goes on. There will be another relationship, another job, and whatever else you were rejected. Most successful people are successful because they didn’t allow rejection to halt their dreams.

“You deserve better”

While love rejection can be difficult to handle, always remember that your destiny is never tied to someone who walks away from you. Bless those who walk away from you. They are making room for the one who won’t.

A broken heart can always be mended, it just takes time. Remember that.

“God Knows Best”

Even when things don’t happen the way you expect them to, don’t be afraid of taking chances and getting rejected. The bottom line is this…”When God intends it, nothing will prevent it”.

So with that being said, either it was never meant to be or it just wasn’t the right time.

“You Live and Learn.”

When we feel rejected, we trap ourselves in a moment of doubt and distress. But we must learn to see past the fleeting period of pain and acknowledge that there is a higher purpose to not getting what (or whom) we want. That higher purpose is usually revealed in time.
“Sometimes Rejection is God’s Protection”

From this day forward, if you experience rejection, the first question to ask before spiraling down into the dark abyss of confusion, self criticism, and suffering is: How is this rejection protecting me?

God sees what we can’t see and Sometimes Rejection is God’s Protection!

#ThePrayingWoman

LOOK…..LEAP…..SHINE YOUR EYES: LEARN FROM MY STORY

Leave a Comment / Articles / By intimatesolution

I ran inside to see if my makeover was perfect. Of course it was but I had to put one more layer of my brown powder just to be sure. Excitement was running through every nook and cranny of my vein. I stood for a while in front of the mirror to make sure my excitement and anxiety hadn’t allowed me make mistakes in applying my makeup. I was about to apply more shimmer on my lips when I heard a sudden blare from a car’s horn just outside my hostel. My heart raced twice as fast as I realized who it was. I had been looking forward for a long time to that day and I didn’t want anything to mess it up. I didn’t want something ephemeral, so I filled in every possible loop hole and no sooner did I decide I was good to go than I took my purse and left the room.

I met Daniel on Instagram and somehow we got very close such that we couldn’t do without each other every day. As time went on we decided to start dating online, because he was out of the country and we couldn’t wait to take our initial friendship to another level. So like that it started. He sent me a lot of things from Canada and he made me feel like I was the queen of the earth especially the queen of his heart. He was the perfect guy for me, he had no flaw or so I said and he was the best thing that happened me. It got me thinking, if he could have been like that even when he was away, what was he going to be like when I can finally hold him. I mean, when we are finally in each other’s arms. This was the major thing that got me more excited about the whole online relationship thingy. It was like having a whole package, wrapped up in such a way that from the view of the parcel you can be almost sure what is inside would be incredible. I had seen him in pictures yes, but believe me the picture was only a silhouette to what he really looked like.

As I got to the corridor to my room and I was able to view his car, my heart raced on a speedy count. Once he sighted me, he got down from his car and opened the door for me, believe me I was very flattered. I got into the car and so did he. OMG!, he was really cute. He took me out to dinner as he promised and it turned out to be the most romantic moment of my life. After dinner he asked me if I wanted to follow him to his house. Meanwhile, I was dying to be in his arms, I was anxious to experience what it would be like if I was with him over the night. It wasn’t a big deal to pass the night at his place though, because he was my boy friend, so I thought.

When we got to his apartment, it was past midnight. The house and the design it carried justified Daniel to be an epicurean. It also had a great view and it was like the more I was in the house, the more luxury was sinking into my skin. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends about him already, because they didn’t have as much as a clue about my relationship and I preferred to make it stay that way until I was sure he was real. We had a bubble bath and we went to bed. I believe you can imagine what happened that night. Of course yes we had crazy sex. I went from loving him to being obsessed. I stayed with him for a few more days and he proposed to me. He said he was going to marry me in the next two months to that time. Isn’t it poetic or what do you think?

After one week, I went back to my hostel and my friends were bent on knowing where I had been. I told them it was my little secret and I wasn’t letting them in on it. So I still kept it secret. On and on like that it went. We had sex like every other day, and I wasn’t complaining because we were going to get married. He promised to take me to his parents very soon so we could make it formal. I was excited; people noticed something about me had changed. I was practically glowing with pride.

LadyBaloons-2

One fateful afternoon…..I was reading on my bed in my hostel when Anita (my roommate) came to me and sat beside me. She asked me calmly what had been going on in my life and why I was keeping so quiet about it. So I decided to confide in her. I told her everything about him, but when I got to the part where I mentioned his name, she jolted up and stared wide eyed. “What!” she almost screamed “Sarah, which Daniel Akingbade are you talking about?” the expression on my face changed, I was confused plus surprised that she knew him. “Abegi, let me see his picture”. I fumbled with my phone more because I was scared about what was about to come than I was about the eagerness to show his picture. I went to my photo gallery and fished out his picture. “here, please don’t tell me you know him” I knew it’s going to be bad luck for me if she knew him, so I prayed silently that she didn’t have as much as a clue. She took the phone from me and started laughing her ass out. “Anita be serious jor”. She paused, looked at me and burst out into another series of laughter. “Ok, ok… let me be serious.”

She looked at the phone again as if to be sure about who was in the picture. Then she said “ahn ahn, he’s the one now.” She looked at me, pressed her lips together and asked again “Sarah, are you sure he said he was going to marry you next month? “Anita please stop this and tell me what is wrong” I said curiously. “Sarah this man I’m starring at right now is married with a kid, he got married three years back to my aunt, although I’ve never met him before, because he and my aunt are abroad, but I see his pictures a lot”. My hand started shaking; it was as if I didn’t hear her right. I fought back tears and told myself I was strong enough for it. I was choked up with mixed feelings. I didn’t know even how to cry. I was being used and believe me it was a big deal. Starting from the thoughts of how he caresses me with sweet words to how he got me laid. It was crazy, it was embarrassing and at the same time tear-full. I was angry as revenge took over my mind. There was no way he was going to go Scot free with it. I decided!!!

I had no idea what to do, I didn’t know whether to confront him, or just let him go. But really, do you think there’s anything you can do to guys like that?, do they always have to go away with something like this, it’s like in the world we are today, they actually do get away with it. The girl becomes the victim and then stays on a low key till karma takes its place in the situation. I didn’t want to wait for karma, I wanted to literally kill him or if there was anything worse than that I’d gladly do it.

After a lot of tears and consolation from my friends, I pulled myself together and was even able to see him the next day. Our meeting was very brief as I didn’t discuss anything with him or make him suspect anything. All through the previous night I was thinking about a way of getting back at him for everything he had done. And I figured it out easily.
I was known to be a very crazy girl and I could do the impossible. So, that fateful afternoon I was in his house, playing with him as though I was perfectly cool with him. But my mission was the otherwise of my attitude. I was there to teach him an incredible lesson, a lesson he’ll forever live to remember.

I played with him for a long time and as he told me he wanted to get something outside I knew that was my opportunity. Once he was out of the house, I reached into his bedside drawer and got hold of his token and replaced it with an identical one, I immediately slipped it in my hand bag and quickly adjusted myself on his bed like nothing had happened. Another minute ran by before he came in, he smiled at me and asked if I didn’t miss him too much and I smiled sweetly back at him and told him I had missed him. I know this is weird, but I had sex with him for the last time that day, and I intentionally satisfied myself to the maximum height.
It was time to go and he dropped me off in my hostel.

Here comes the happiest day of my life people. The next day, I took the token to one of my friend that is an expert in computer hacking. He didn’t take him very long to decipher his password and was able to wipe out his account, transferred every dime in it to a new account I opened for that purpose, using a different name and in a different bank everything I transferred summed up to 17million Naira, I know, chicken change right? But believe me it wasn’t a chicken change when Daniel was begging the whole world for money to return to Canada. All traces were perfectly cleared and the token was destroyed almost immediately. I gave my friend his share, and I went back to my hostel dancing with joy in my heart.
Believe me, Daniel was stranded, I jilted him immediately using his brokenness as my leverage, telling him I can’t walk him with anymore. It was really sweet to see him that way, and you might not believe this but I was proud of myself. Nobody knew about this, even Anita.
So that’s my little gist for you.

Seriously though, I did learn my lesson to look and leap. No matter how interesting this may sound, I didn’t leave that relationship unscarred. In the deep corners of my mind, I felt used and humiliated. I had sacrificed almost everything I had to this relationship. A man I completely trusted and believed loved me deeply. I was ready to marry this man, basing all my life on the emotions I felt. This is my story, it might come across as a positive ending for some, but we aren’t all that lucky.

Take your time to know that individual, before committing your whole life into it. It’s totally worth the wait.

ANJOLA JUMOKE

WORK ON YOU!

1 Comment / Uncategorized / By intimatesolution

Roland and Esther met each other through a friend, courted for a couple of years and later got married. Roland has tried his best to make Esther happy but she was always lamenting that nobody including her husband loves her. At a counseling session after several years of Roland coping with the situation, the counselor discovered that Esther has been struggling with self rejection because of her terrible childhood experiences. This past experience had affected Esther so much that no one was willing to be her friend except her husband. She was always complaining and nagging and now Roland is almost giving up. Then the counselor began to educate both of them……

Relationships are not meant to be ENDURED but to be ENJOYED. Contrary to this many have developed coping skills in their relationships so they find themselves enduring everyday relationship such as marital, relationship with colleagues, family and friends. There are relationships we can easily get rid of as soon as they turn sour while there are some that will definitely leave a scar if we try separating from such.

Lack of fulfillment in relationships could be due to absence of a healthy relationship with yourself. In order words if I fail in my relationship with myself, I cannot relate well with anyone else. How we treat others is an extension of how we treat ourselves. The level of value you place on yourself determines how well you value another.

Moreover, the bible says the 2nd greatest commandment is ‘Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF’. So much emphasis has been placed on the first part of this statement while the other part is not so talked about. For instance if I inform you that you use a gadget the way you use another. In order words, I am saying that once you know how to use gadget B,it is a pointer to how you use the gadget A. Therefore the journey of a great relationship starts with YOU! It begins with having a healthy relationship with yourself. If you don’t love YOU, you can’t LOVE me or anyone else. In order to know if you love YOU, kindly answer this question

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WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOU?

Love is a product of our thoughts. More often than not, we love people because of what we THINK of them. Hence, the question. What do you think of yourself? This goes beyond what your spouse, friend, pastor or family member think of you. As a matter of fact, it is easier to describe your partner than trying to express what you think of yourself. In order to prove this, I have asked few people to tell me what they think of themselves. Some came up with what people thought of them. They go like “my husband says; I am….. Or my mum feels like; I am sluggish. As much as it is good to know what people’s views are about you because of what we call blind spot, It is dangerous to base how you feel about yourself on people’s thought of you. First, no one can know YOU like you know yourself. Secondly people judge us based on who they are. Someone said “what we judge in others is a disowned part of us.

Jesus asked his disciples while he was on earth with them “who do people say I am”. Among the 12 disciples, only one (Peter) person’s response resonated with what Jesus had in mind. This is why you must know who you are: weaknesses and strength, not denying any. If you deny your weakness, you remain an old model of yourself because you can only improve on a product you know and understand.

The predominant thoughts of yourself can be an indicator of how much you love YOU. Many people reject genuine love because of self-rejection. They cannot just see what others see in them and don’t believe they are to be treated specially. This makes relationship very difficult. It is imperative that you know, accept, value and love yourself because how you treat yourself is how you will treat others. This is different from self-centeredness. Finally, lack of a healthy relationship with yourself could make you to put unnecessary pressure on your relationships like Esther did by demanding for what no other person is capable of giving you.

All of a sudden Esther started sobbing. She started realizing how terrible she felt about herself and her past mistakes. She always wished she was someone else: starting from her younger sister, to her friend in primary school, her class prefect in secondary school, her mate in the university and her colleague at work. She felt everyone was better and she had nothing to offer. She didn’t appreciate anything about herself and she feels Roland has been deceiving her. She believes she is empty and no one can genuinely love an empty barrel. All these, she said was because of several steps she took in the past that made her feel like a failure and good for nothing.

Wow……no wonder she has had it tough relating with people. She reads meaning to every statement made by her spouse and she misunderstands what people do to her even when they have good intentions. The question is: how can Esther and every one of us in Esther’s shoes deal with this? Thanks to the first part of this article, Esther has learnt to change her thoughts about herself.

In order to take it further, the counselor tells her: FORGIVE YOURSELF. This is important because we have all done certain things in the past that we are not proud of. Like Esther, whenever we remember certain things, we blame ourselves. In contrary, start to take responsibility for what has happened and focus on a better future rather than blame yourself. Forgiveness is not from the head (not based on knowledge) but from the heart. You will need to convince yourself that if you knew better, you would have done better. Mind you, none of us is a saint. Let go and make room for love.

Secondly, change what you say about yourself. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What you say of yourself is a product of your thoughts, and your description of yourself determines your outcome in life. When we have healthy thoughts about ourselves, our words will become healthy words and we will love ourselves in healthy ways. My question is: do you talk down on yourself or do you boast of who you are not in a bit to impress someone?

Telling people who you are not is a sign that you don’t love yourself and it becomes difficult to enjoy any relationship if you don’t love yourself. This happens mostly when you prefer other people’s views of who you are to what you know about YOU. Desiring human approval is not totally wrong but we must not be addicted to approvals.

Dear friend, learn to celebrate yourself and you will be happy without feeling anyone must do it for you. Whatever will make you happy, don’t wait for anyone to do it or say it to you. Say it to yourself.
CHEERS! – Motolani.

LOVE STARTS WITH ME

Leave a Comment / Articles / By intimatesolution

I used to believe that the 20s was the best time in life to snag a mate.
From my perspective as a 13-year-old girl, the 20s seemed like the prime years of life, a time for independence, freedom, and for falling in love. I’m imagined I’d be young and fresh, exciting and energetic, inspired and in love…what a perfect time for a romance. Finding love would be easy, in your 20s.

I don’t know that I believe that, anymore. Now that I’m married and also passed my 20’s- I look back at some of those earlier years and realize how little I actually knew. There was a world of experiences and lessons yet to be had in the decade that followed. There’s so much that I know now, that I didn’t know back then, that I had to learn along the way.
If my teen years taught me how to be “self-centered”, my 20s taught me that I really had very little grasp of my “true self”. I had no idea who I was or where I was going- even when I thought I had a clue. If I could write a relationship manual to my 20-year old self, here’s what it would say:

1. Date…Yourself: The 20s really are an incredible time in life. As your independence develops, the world opens up in ways it never could have before. But more than anything, your 20s is actually a time of transformation. You are changing, growing, maturing, and evolving more rapidly than you could even imagine. Your personality is just starting to take shape, and the seeds of interests, passions, talents that were planted in your teen years are only now starting to grow.
While it may be so tempting to search for love, don’t do it without first taking the time to date yourself. Before I get into relationship advice, let me start by introducing the concept of Dating Inward. In other words, get to know yourself. Know who you are, what you need, and where you’re going. Get a good grasp of the story you’re creating for yourself, because only then will you be able to recognize the kind of person who fits into your story.

2. Don’t Fixate on Being Single: I’m sad I wasted so many years focused on “being single” because looking back, my 20s was a time filled with relationships and life. I was surrounded by amazing friends in college, mentors and professors who invested in me, an incredible community, and relatives who supported me. God had surrounded me with a community of rich and life-giving people that I often-times missed out on because I was so caught up with the fact that Bose on the next street just got engaged, and chinenye was planning her wedding, and Jane just got flowers from her boyfriend. I wasted too many opportunities to connect with significant people in my life, because I was focused on finding a “significant other”…..

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3. Don’t Act Desperate, Because You’re Not: If age was actually an indicator of being “desperate”…your 20’s definitely doesn’t make the cut. Why is it then, that there are so many 20-year-olds feeling like they need to catch the marriage boat before the clock strikes midnight and they turn the dreaded 3-0? So much compromise, settling, and life-altering mistakes happen in a person’s 20s because they would rather be with someone than deal with the fear of being alone. So many people are left with the biggest regrets of their life, things they wish they would have resisted in their 20s.

Sadly, we’re all part of the problem. We’ve created a culture that puts pressure on men and women to get married at a certain time, a certain age, in a certain way. But at the end of the day, finding the right marriage has little to do with our timing- or anyone else’s for that matter- and everything to do with God’s timing. Remember the only way to avoid looking desperate is to stop believing that you are, because a person will appear as desperate as they feel. Block out all the voices, the expectations, and the fears- and keep your eyes fixed on what is in front and within you. Look at all that the many blessings that surrounds you and then relax, let go, and trust God for the rest. Greater things are yet to come.

4. Don’t Wait to Live Your Life: Stop waiting, and start living. That should be the motto every 20-year-old hangs on their wall. The 20’s are filled with so much “waiting”: waiting for the right school, the right job, the right opportunity, the right spouse, the right income….waiting for that house, that car, that insurance plan. Waiting for love, for marriage, for family etc. Whatever it is you are waiting for, stop waiting and start living.
So much of our life is wasted in waiting, when God is calling us to enjoy the life He’s given us right here and right now. We don’t need another thing to happen in order for us to live our lives, we just need more of what we have already that brings us Joy. We were made to rejoice in life, Right here, and right now. -DEBRA FILETA